So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
