I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
