if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
