im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize