OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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