just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
