i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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