so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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