Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
