yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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