I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
