Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
And my parents said I crawled through the house
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
