so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
