So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
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One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
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Why can't burritos get me drunk
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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