It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
