Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sext me about skeletons
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
