you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
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Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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