Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
