Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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