My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
