At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
