# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
