You can't special order awesome
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
