you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
