I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
