I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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