and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
