I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
