Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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