I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
