I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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