he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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