If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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