do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
