We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
