A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
