she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
