i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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