I could make wine with my vomit
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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