Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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