I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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