my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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