There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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