Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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