hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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