If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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