I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
