I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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