you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
