do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
