We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
