just come out here and I will go home with you...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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