I think my fart just growled at me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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