peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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