I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
