I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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