im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
