I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
