no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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