I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
