dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
