I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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