Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
