WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
