Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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