I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
