There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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