if i can run in heels then i can drive
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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