So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
