I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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