My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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