I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
