If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
