3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Randomize
