When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
