I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
