New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
please don't ironically join a cult
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