i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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