Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
