One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
