He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
