my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
