my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
