after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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