I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Fuck appropriateness.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
