how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
