he wants to bone in the snuggie
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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