Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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