Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
